Setting the Stage (Part III)

...my girlfriend broke up with me while I was in Nashville.

Now, I know you’re thinking, “Seriously? You left me hanging only to end with a sappy love story? If that’s what I wanted, I’d just go listen to Taylor Swift and get wasted on ice cream. See if I ever read this blog again.” But its point is relevant. I promise!

She was not just my girlfriend, she was my best friend. She was the love of my life. I had been strung on this girl for over five years. Five years, people! She understood me better than anyone ever has. Which, if you have ever been around me, is quite the feat. You would understand that even, or especially, my humor isn’t the easiest to grasp. I think it’s what most people classify as ‘dorky.’ But it was ok, because she was, or is, too. I was convinced that we were going to spend our lives together. Then it all fell apart and I could do nothing to repair it. Trust me, I wanted to jump on the first plane available, buy a white horse, knight’s armor, and a lance and go rescue her from the evil clutches of confusion, but I could not. I had to respect her choice and love her enough to let her go.

She broke up with me and it broke my heart. But out of this broken heart would flow insight and understanding.

 As a word of advice, if you ever get your heart broken - which I hope you don’t, but if you do - make sure you stay clear of country music and the South. Why? Because it’s musically catastrophic. I started writing songs about her. Cheesy ones too. With such titles as “Nashville Stole My Heart” - as a play on words - and “Lying to Me.” The lyrics of the latter had a line that said “I’ll be ok without you. But when will I see, that I can’t keep lying to me?” Oh heartbreak. It’s quite the inspiration, is it not? At least now I have trudged through the muddy soil in which the roots of country music are planted.

Fortunately, I had made some wonderful friends in “the ‘Ville.” Evan, one of my guy friends, was going through a similar situation; so, naturally, we talked about how women, at least our women, are ruthlessly irrational and have no true understanding of logic or their emotional processes (unlike any of you tremendous and beautiful women currently reading this blog, of course). It was quite therapeutic. Nevertheless, the feelings of abandonment and rejection lingered.

These very feelings from our breakup, however, would unearth deeper fears and misconceptions that had been buried for over a decade. This was not the first time I had been rejected. And though it felt like it at times, this was not the worst form of rejection I had endured either.

In my dejection, I also shared my story with my friend Jenn who had experienced her share of family struggles too. She thought it would help if she gave me a questionnaire she received from her counselor that focused on helping me understand my family dynamic and what role it had in shaping the person I had become. And help it did, but not nearly how I anticipated. More than anything, the questions got me thinking about my father, and I realized that much of my family’s dynamic was set on a new course the day he died. It impacted all of us. And as I hopped in the Delorian and explored the past, I saw just how vast the crater actually was and how far off course we had been cast.


At this point, I have yet to reveal how my father actually died. Well, shortly after receiving a letter from him that ended with, “I’ll see you soon, buddy boy,” I walked into that room to see the disclosure written on my mother’s face. Though he battled physical and emotional anguish for years, eventually he lost the war to drugs. 


So where is this all going? What does my girlfriend breaking up with me and my father dying from a drug overdose have to do with each other? I am glad you asked.


(...I was really trying to pack this all into three posts, but let's face it, the richness of life is more complex than a measly three entries. I hope you will join me next Monday for Part IV. Thank you very much for reading! I hope reading these stories bless you as much as you reading them blesses me!...)